UNIVERSAL DONOR: MA VIE EN CROUTE
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Universal Donor
We can ill afford another Klendathu  feed it up!
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You are just a number to me! And that number is: PAGES UD MADE: My Books Page My Reviews Page My Reference Page My Music Page My Pictures My Store UD-RELATED PAGES: My LiveJournal My MySpace music page My Flickr page My del.icio.us page My Last.fm page My Amazon Wishlist HEAVY ROTATION TV on the Radio: Dear Science Walkmen: You & Me Fleet Foxes: Fleet Foxes Ratatat: LP3 Beach House: Devotion BLOGS ETC claude le monde nuncstans rock 'em stock 'em tomato nation postmodern drunkard tuckova 22 ghastly mess constintina total virility fuzzysquid drunken bee stacey nightmare elyse from ANTM stereolabrat dark side points jf_franklin 123 i love you READ NOW brotherhood 2.0 NOT BLOGS ETC qwantz (dinosaur comix) go fug yourself the burg cat and girl book of ratings married to the sea icanhascheezburger fire joe morgan fivethirtyeight.com READ NOW hospitality on parade WEIRD LOVE dead amusement pks craters! all content © 2002-2008 Jeremy Broomfield 
Hosted by: HostRocket.Com Comments by: YACCS PRAISE & REVIEWS "[UD] is a genius." --Christian Oates "[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not." --Tricia Howey MOTTO egeo huic vigorum MY WRESTLING NAME Titan Gently MY PUNK NAME Razor Ection 
WHO LINKS TO UD? • from Technorati • from Google • from Yahoo and here's something weird: my place in Humor 3-space |
Thursday, March 22, 2007
SHORT INTERNET QUIZZES
Are You Bleeding? 1. Is your blood seeping, dripping, streaming, or spurting OUT of your body? If you answered "yes," you are bleeding. Are You Asleep? 1. Hey. Hey you. Hey. HEY! Are you asleep? If you answered "yes" or "no," you are not asleep. Are You a Christian? 1. Do you support the death penalty? If you answered "yes," you are not a Christian. Are You on Fire? 1. Is any part of you (or your clothing) smoking, smoldering, or covered in flame? If you answered "yes," you are on fire. Are You a Zombie? 1. Are you doing anything unrelated to the consumption of live human flesh? If you can participate in online quizzes, you are not a zombie. Are You a Medical Doctor? 1. Does your license plate have the letters "MD" on it? If you answered "yes," you are either a medical doctor or a car thief. Are You a Rocket Scientist? 1. What term describes how far a rocket is pointing away from its direction of travel due to rotation about its vertical axis? If you answered "yaw," you are probably a rocket scientist. BONUS!! FUN FACTS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW! • Rhodium is a rare silvery-white transition metal. • The Outerbridge Crossing, a bridge from Staten Island to New Jersey, was named for Eugenius H. Outerbridge. • Twice as many people die of lung cancer each year than from car accidents and gun-related injuries combined. • I had sexual intercourse with your mother. • She told me she is interested in engaging in similar activities (with me) in the near future, and with great frequency. Tuesday, March 20, 2007
In order to sink successfully into this blogmire, I must cultivate, at least for a short period of time, an attitude of frustration, judgment, superiority, and anger. That was easy as microwave dinner when I felt that way all the time, but when I find myself at relative peace with the world -- which, bizarrely enough, I do, right now -- it seems like a chore at best and downright dangerous at worst.
If you want to monkey-wrench a good mood for the sake of blogging, I recommend trying to buy something from a store staffed entirely by idiots. It won't be hard to find one if you look! I got sullen at the Duane Reade that they haven't gotten the memo about how separate lines for multiple registers may be more convenient for DR Management or whatever but are UNIVERSALLY UNFAIR and morally wrong. I call them Hitler lines. Give us a fucking Tensabarrier labyrinth and feed us flowingly into a stream of constant commerce, dammnit! Then I almost had a tantrum/meltdown at the Au Bon Pain when the general manager displayed fairly typical ignorance of the economic nuances inherent in a promotion. In short, I got mad because she wouldn't give me a free cup. A FREE CUP GODDAMNIT. What is my problem? On a positive note, I got a vibrating watch in a fit of Uncontrollable Shopping Impulsivity, and I must say it is the coolest thing ever, impulsive or not. I set it to vibrate every 23 minutes (O my fucking Schumacher!) to remind me to CHILL THE FUCK OUT. I am in love with it. It buzzes and it's like a little voice in my head is saying "stop thinking those awful thoughts," or "untense those shoulders," or "put down the machete and untie the prostitute." However, I'm experiencing a variation of the "man with a hammer" syndrome (which states that, to a man with a hammer, every problem starts to look like a nail); I'm starting to view the world's problems as solvable through the employment of vibrating watches. Think you have a problem that you can't fix? Bring it, and I will bring two vibrating alarms, a vibrating stopwatch, and a vibrating countdown timer, and we'll see what we come up with. FOR EXTRA CREDIT: 1. Is the above serious? 2. If so, how much of it? 3. Is it all a failed experiment as outlined in the first sentence? 4. Why would anyone care either way? 5. Where the fuck are my goddamn shoes? |
OTHER REVIEWS: John from Cincinnati Menomena LATEST BOOK REVIEWS: The Game Moneyball One-Upsmanship Siddhartha You need the Fear Not Guide to Life. Buy it already. ($4) Now available! The Broomfield Variations CD ($10) or go to The UD Store 
MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS Chan Marshall Rotem of the IDF Eleanor Friedberger Amy Goodman Bernardine Dohrn ('69) Maya Rudolph Joanna Newsom Imogen Heap Caroline Dhavernas Shana Rae Ray DISALLOWED FOREVER "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!" - "from whence" - "...the exception that proves the rule" - any use of the question "spit or swallow?" - the phrase "drop trou" - fake-o reviewer verbs: "penned" for wrote "helmed" for directed "lensed" for whatever - "expat" - the euphemism "passed away" - pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!" (see also: "grassy-ass!") PET PEEVES "confinscated" - trying children "as adults" - "drownded" |