Universal Donor
We can ill afford
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You are just a number
to me! And that number
is:

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PAGES UD MADE:

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My Books Page

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My Reviews Page

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My Reference Page

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My Music Page

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My Pictures

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My Store

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UD-RELATED PAGES:

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My LiveJournal

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My MySpace music page

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My Flickr page

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My del.icio.us page

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My Last.fm page

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My Amazon Wishlist

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HEAVY ROTATION

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TV on the Radio:
Dear Science
Walkmen:
You & Me
Fleet Foxes:
Fleet Foxes
Ratatat:
LP3
Beach House:
Devotion

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BLOGS ETC

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claude le monde
nuncstans
rock 'em stock 'em
tomato nation
postmodern drunkard
tuckova 22
ghastly mess
constintina
total virility
fuzzysquid
drunken bee
stacey nightmare
elyse from ANTM
stereolabrat
dark side points
jf_franklin
123 i love you READ NOW
brotherhood 2.0

NOT BLOGS ETC

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qwantz (dinosaur comix)
go fug yourself
the burg
cat and girl
book of ratings
married to the sea
icanhascheezburger
fire joe morgan
fivethirtyeight.com
READ NOW
hospitality on parade

WEIRD LOVE

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dead amusement pks
craters!

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all content
© 2002-2008
Jeremy Broomfield

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PRAISE & REVIEWS

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"[UD] is a genius."
--Christian Oates

"[Claudia] is fucking awesome, and [UD] is a genius. And vice versa. You should all buy Fear Not."
--Tricia Howey



MOTTO

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egeo huic vigorum

MY WRESTLING NAME

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Titan Gently

MY PUNK NAME

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Razor Ection







WHO LINKS TO UD?

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• from Technorati
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and here's something
weird: my place
in Humor 3-space

  UNIVERSAL DONOR'S RULE OF CO-WORKER TOLERANCE
Assuming you can evaluate any worker according to the following character axes:

... a workplace will tolerate a worker who falls on the negative side of any TWO of these axes, but not THREE.

That is, a workplace will tolerate (in descending order of the level of tolerance) a worker who is:
     • STUPID and LAZY, as long as they are NICE;
     • STUPID and MEAN, as long as they are HARD-WORKING;
     • LAZY and MEAN, as long as they are SMART.

But a co-worker who is LAZY, MEAN, and STUPID will dangerously lower the morale of the workplace.
posted by Universal Donor 4:04 PM

  This time I didn't tell you I was going to St. Thomas before I went, to spare you the agony of knowing I was in puh-puh-puh-paradise. But you figured it out, didn't you, my little Sherlocklings? How was it without me? Was every day a razor, and every night a shot of lemon juice? I never meant to make you suffer, my babies. I heard there was a widdle wainstorm on the mainwand wast week. Did babies get wet?
     Harumph. People wear pajamas when they travel. What the fuck? I understand why, but it's still shocking. People want to be comfortable, and they are separated from anyone they know who might judge them for their disastrous sartorial decision-making. This leads to grave, grave errors.
     First of all, every girl under the age of twenty looks like she thinks the WHOLE FUCKING WORLD is some giant open-call slumber-party porn audition. I have more intimate knowledge of people in the security screening line with me than of some people I've had actual sex with. And you, lady: I can see your entire ass. I can make out your boyfriend's teeth marks. I swear, if I went to the airport with an armload of Mardi Gras beads and I screamed "show us your tits" loudly and at no one in particular, I am sure that a number of terryclothed barbies would reflexively lift up their shirts, screaming "wooooo!"
     More soon. I am a little grumpy.
posted by Universal Donor 9:22 AM

  Al Gore has a problem that he will never be able to overcome. If you hear about all he's done, you may very well admire the man. You might agree with every position he holds. You might even think he would make a great president. But once you see him on TV, you find yourself a little less psyched. The man has Anti-Charisma. Every second you spend listening to a recording of his voice, you will like him a little less. Every moment you see him on screen, you will like him a lot less, and wish Bill Clinton were on screen instead (say what you want about his policies, but I would raptly watch Bill Clinton read VCR instructions aloud). It is a testament to the power of Gore's actual words that the people don't rise up and drive him to the city limits with pitchforks and torches. (NB: I haven't seen An Inconvenient Truth, so if he comes off all dapper-dan and charmtastic [sic], let me know. My theory is that he doesn't, but he's in a professorial role, and we don't really care if our professors have charisma.)

Not to be dramatic or anything, but reading Charlie Munger's Psychology of Human Misjudgment just might change your life. He's pretty folksy for a billionaire, but his subject -- the reasons people make bad decisions -- is completely fascinating. It drips with the kind of simple truth that cannot be ignored.

I like blintzes!

My roommate just went to Paris for eight days, and she left behind a germ bomb of tainted Häagen-Dazs. A sudden case of laryngitis made her throat so sore and scratchy that I started whispering while talking to her out of unconscious sympathy, and yet she blithely ate this ice cream -- which, admittedly, was hers -- straight from the pint with a goddamn spoon. So unless I want my throat to be scratchier than Fergie's crotch, I cannot partake. Maybe I should pour a thin layer of Zippo fluid on the top of the ice cream and sterilize it. Sigh. It's like David Ben-Gurion said: "Life is full of infected pints of Strawberry Häagen-Dazs; we must not partake lest our dessert-based mistakes be the last ones ever made."
posted by Universal Donor 9:49 PM

OTHER REVIEWS:
John from Cincinnati
Menomena

LATEST BOOK REVIEWS:
The Game
Moneyball
One-Upsmanship
Siddhartha

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You need the
Fear Not Guide to Life.
Buy it already. ($4)

Now available!
The Broomfield Variations CD
($10)

or go to The UD Store

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MY IMAGINARY GIRLFRIENDS

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Chan Marshall
Rotem of the IDF
Eleanor Friedberger
Amy Goodman
Bernardine Dohrn ('69)
Maya Rudolph
Joanna Newsom
Imogen Heap
Caroline Dhavernas

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Shana Rae Ray

DISALLOWED FOREVER

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"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!"
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"from whence"
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"...the exception that proves the rule"
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any use of the question "spit or swallow?"
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the phrase "drop trou"
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fake-o reviewer verbs:
"penned" for wrote
"helmed" for directed
"lensed" for whatever
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"expat"
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the euphemism
"passed away"
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pronouncing merci beaucoup as "mercy buckets!"
(see also: "grassy-ass!")

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PET PEEVES

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"confinscated"
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trying children "as adults"
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"drownded"

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